Throw Away the Pro and Con List and Get Back To Living

Ever wonder what everyone is talking about when they talk about flow? When I looked it up, here is what I found:

“the action or fact of moving along in a steady, continuous stream”

When it comes to flow, you need to get things moving and here is how to start:

  • You need to know what you want.
  • You need to gather the facts.
  • You need to get clear on the outcome you desire.

 
What is the one thing we are taught to do when we have to make a decision in our lives? Take out the good old pen and paper and make a pro and con list.
 
I was the queen of the pro and con list. I loved getting the paper, making the columns, talking it out – I loved it all.
 
When I wanted to change jobs, I had rehearsed my pro and con list so many times that I could do it without effort. Eventually, after all the back and forth, a decision had to be made and the pro and con list did not end up being the solution.

Why Pro and Con Lists DO NOT Work:
 

  1. How can you place things without any objective weight on a list and weigh them against each other?
  2. What if the pros are all really convincing and I still don’t want to do it? Or the cons are concerning and I still want to do it.
  3. Since we don’t know the outcome, how can we be sure about the pro and cons?

What are we doing when we weigh things over and over? How can we place a priority on one thing over another? Where do these priorities come from?

Where do you write on the pro and con list, “I want to do this or I just don’t want to?”

Flow. Flow cannot happen when we weigh every decision exhaustively.

Flow occurs when we move in a steady stream. I have found that my steady steam occurs when I put down my pen and paper and I listen to my true feelings.

Listening to your feelings may not be easy at first. Listening to my feelings took some real practice because I had become so adept at weighing endless external lists that I lost my connection to my true feelings.

And, please, I am not saying that facts are not important. We need to make sure we have the facts, but once we have them we need to make a decision.Feeling stuck, sucks.

Is there something you are struggling to make a decision about? Have you weighed the same 10 facts so many times that you can do it in your sleep?

Next time you need to make a decision:

  • Gather your facts.
  • Consult a trusted friend or family member.
  • Ask yourself, “what do I want to do?”

Are you honoring your voice? Are you allowing your voice to enter into the conversation or are you simply weighing the voices of friends, culture and family?

Do you have trouble figuring out how you feel without weighing in external factors?

Start with you. Determine what you want and how you feel. Then, look at the facts and see if there is a way to get it done.

Maybe you still don’t know the answer. That is ok too. But, put down the pro and con list and have faith that the solution will show itself, not outside of you, but within.

Interested in digging deeper? Contact me for coaching by emailing me[email protected].

Read more posts by Laura

How We Unintentionally Harm Our Children (And Ourselves)

In this post you will: -Learn where your sense of overwhelm or anxiety stem from -Read clips from Dr. Shefali,…

How to Stop Waiting for the Approvals of Others

“No one can hurt you without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt If you struggle with boundaries, this workout could be…

The Morning Routine That Everyone Should Do

The Morning Routine That Everyone Should Do Life is overwhelming. Before you get out of bed, your to-do lists roll…

Want More Self-Compassion?

How hard are you on yourself? What have you achieved in your life? Think about some of your best accomplishments…….

Do You Want More Inner Peace and a Deeper Sense of Calm?

“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and…